do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
