some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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