Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
