Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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