Your mouth is God's brothel.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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