shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
