he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
