if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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