Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
is it fun? or sober?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
