to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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