My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
