pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
