You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
All the doctor said was why
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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