It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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