i just had sex bonerless
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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