i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
