Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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