her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
