Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
