Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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