Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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