Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
