somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
