So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
