you have to choose: penises or morals?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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