i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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