Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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