Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
