i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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