Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
