i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
