Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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