i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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