i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
