I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Randomize
