so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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