im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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