So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
