He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
