I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
