Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
