i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
