i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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