i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
