Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
