so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
