Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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