Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize