its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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