She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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