make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
