I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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