..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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