The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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