yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
