clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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