I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
