I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
