There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
