he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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