My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
