Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
