my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I deserve this hangover.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
