just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
