some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
she told me i tasted like america
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
