Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
