is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
