This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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