Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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