So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
