Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
