One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize