I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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