I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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