then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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