We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
