you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
pray to the hookup gods
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
