I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Randomize
