Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
