Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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