Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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