ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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