no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
