I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Randomize
