I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
