his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
